Blue

I have been stuck in a funk the last week or so. My grandfather died last week and it has really hit me hard. He was my last living grandparent and someone who I was close to. He lived a great life and touched so many people. He loved telling silly jokes and loved being teased by us grandkids. He had started to slip a bit mentally in the past year or so, but tried so hard to hold up and not show it. I am sad that never again will I answer the phone and hear him say "Grandfather here, say... What are you doing today?" He used to call us a few times every week during our summer vacations asking us to come over and give him a hand on a project. At the time it seemed a burden. When you are 16 and you just want to sleep in until noon or 1. Since I moved down here some distance grew between us of course but just knowing that I won't be seeing him for some time is bringing me down.
I have lost some motivation on the crafting front. I have plans and as is typical, follow through seems to be lacking. I started a sweater for the Pickle, knitting it in the 2-3 yr old size, knowing that it might take me that long. I have the back and one side finished. It is a cabled pattern and I am pleased at the way my skills have increased.
We have been playing with the kids in the neighborhood and I have been thinking about knitting them or making them a little toy and hiding it in their yards to stumble upon. I am holding off on starting a project though, with the sweater on the needles.
On my days at work I think of the things I'd like to do on my day off, bake some bread or bagels. Give yogurt making or cheese making a try again, sew a little something. Then my day off comes, Pickle goes down for a nap and I do the same.
I have been reading "The Simple Life" by Helen and Scott Nearing. It is intriguing to me to try and live a self sufficient lifestyle. I know that it is not possible in my life now, and also that D would not be interested in it, but I am trying to figure out how to incorporate some of the principles into my lifestyle. I am wishing that there was a way I could barter for things. I'll bake bread and trade for something else. Then I think if just baking it and giving it away to the neighbors and seeing what comes to be. Would some sort of bartering system organically develop? Would neighbors who have extra tomatoes think of us? Would the idea of doing something nice for a neighbor just because be contagious? Or would people become uncomfortable by accepting gifts from a neighbor.